Without His Wings
by Copper's Mama
Summary: Dean/Cas fic, takes place after "Two Minutes to Midnight". Dean comforts Cas. Please read and review!


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_A Dean/Castiel fic. _

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_Disclaimer: As always, I don't own Supernatural. I'm nowhere near that awesome. _

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_A/N: Well, I couldn't resist. I actually got the idea after reading "The Wings of a Storm", by HeavenlyBodies. _

_In this fic, Cas misses many things about being an angel, but the one thing he misses most are his wings. Dean comforts him in his own way. _

_I hope you guys like this fic, I know I'll love writing it. _

_As always, please read and review, I live for feedback! _

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Sam and Bobby were on their way to meet Rufus where the Roadhouse used to be. He said he had some info on how Sam could potentially take back control from Lucifer if he decided to say "yes" to him, so they'd gone to meet up with him. Dean had stayed behind at Bobby's with Castiel. They had all been worried about the ex-angel lately. He'd been moody and depressed, barely spoke two words to anyone, and only ate when he was forced to.

Dean didn't want to leave him and come back to find he'd done something stupid.

Things had certainly changed since the angel had lost his powers ... had become human. But Dean hadn't thought it would be this bad. He had just figured that Cas would adjust.

He found the ex-angel sitting on the couch in the living room, staring off into space. He wore some old clothes that Bobby had managed to scrape up, but they didn't fit him right ... _maybe we should take him shopping or something. That would be a memorable experience. _

"Hey, Cas," he greeted, standing awkwardly by the couch before sitting down. "Wanna watch some TV or something?"

"Not particularly," Castiel answered.

Dean sighed, scratching his neck. He had to break Cas out of the funk he was in, but he wasn't sure how. He wasn't the same guy he'd been before, the same guy he'd fallen for. He hadn't told Cas ... or Sam or Bobby. He didn't even know where to begin, how to explain it. All he knew was that the weeks that Castiel had been gone had been hard for him … not knowing if he was alive or dead, or hurt and needing his help.

After he'd come back Dean thought everything would go back to the way they were before. He'd actually missed all the long looks and the invasion of his personal space. But Cas didn't do that anymore. He just stared off into space, trapped in his own pit of misery.

"Look, I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to be an angel, and then to lose everything," Dean began, turning to look at him properly. "But I do know what it's like to lose something important to you. If you wanna talk about it, or even just hit something ... I'm here."

Castiel looked down at his feet, a pained expression on his face. "You're right," he spoke.

Dean held his breath, hoping Cas was finally opening up to him.

The ex-angel turned his head towards Dean with a bitter expression on his face. "You can't possibly imagine what I've lost." He stood from the couch, moving to walk out of the room and away from Dean, but the hunter stood up and caught his arm. "Would you just stop?"

Castiel tugged his arm away, trying to shove Dean back, but he wasn't as strong as he'd been before, and only succeeded in nudging him a little.

"Explain it to me, then," Dean suggested. "'Cause we can't keep going like this. One thing you need to learn about being human, is if you bottle everything up inside, it's eventually gonna explode out of you, and you might hurt the people you care about." He didn't want to assume that Cas wouldn't want to hurt him.

Castiel shook his head, looking away. "It's difficult ..."

"So take your time," Dean offered, not wanting to push him too hard.

After a few minutes, Castiel turned back towards Dean and grabbed the bottom of the shirt he was wearing, pulling his arms back up and sliding the shirt off.

Dean swallowed heavily, trying not to make any gulping noises, but before he could ask him what he was doing, Castiel turned around and showed Dean his back. Staring back at him from either side of his spine, just below his shoulder blades, were two painful looking red scars. Dean winced, taking in the sight of them.

"My wings used to be there," Castiel explained. "You couldn't see them, but that's where they had always been ... for thousands of years. And when I had my powers taken from me completely, my wings were ripped from my back. I used to be beautiful ... glorious. But now my wings are gone, and I'll never be the same. Just a useless, frail, mortal being."

Dean blinked, trying to wrap his head around what he was hearing. He didn't say it aloud, but the first thing it reminded him of was the necklace that Sammy had given him all those years ago. It had been so important to him, and he'd just thrown it out in the garbage ... Castiel hadn't had a choice in the matter, he'd had his wings taken from him. He felt horrible.

"Cas, I'm sorry," Dean breathed, walking forward.

Silence answered him, but Castiel didn't move or try to put his shirt back on, so Dean kept moving. He didn't know if it would make him feel better or worse, but he had to try something.

Tentatively, he drew his hand upwards, letting his fingers travel along the spine of the man in front of him, tracing the outline of the scar of the right. Castiel's body shivered under his fingertips, but he didn't stop him. "I know I can't replace what you lost, but I am sorry." His other hand came up mimic his actions around the other scar on the left, feeling the rough pads of his fingers glide over the bumps and smooth away some - if only a little - of the pain.

After a moment Castiel's body seemed to relax under his fingers, and while this made Dean happy, he didn't really know where to go from there. He didn't know if he should stop and trying to talk to Cas some more, or if he should press on and take a chance at being rejected. He began to take his hands away, but then he realized that he would probably never again have the opportunity to be alone with his "angel" like this, so he took the plunge and began to move his hands in wider circles on his back, stepping closer to Castiel.

There was a tense moment when Cas froze underneath his fingers, but then he turned around slowly and looked up into Dean's eyes. He found only solace and lust there, and without a word he closed the distance between them and sealed their lips together. A pact. A promise.

Whatever happened after today would be unknown. Maybe they would make it work, maybe the world would end and it wouldn't matter. But as Dean dragged Castiel up the stairs to the closest thing resembling a bed, both of them realized that they were comforting each other. Physically and emotionally.

Afterwards Dean asked Cas to turn over on his stomach, showing him the scars once again. With a more assured hand he stroked the area around the wounds, trying to pour as much love and reverence into each caress. He figured he was on the right path when Cas began to hum in response.

Dean spoke softly, "I don't know what'll happen when this is all over. Whether you're still human or if you somehow get your powers back ... but if we both survive, we can't ignore that we have something here."

Castiel turned onto his side, facing Dean. The hand still moved on his back, becoming a half-embrace. "I would like that."

Dean nodded, leaning down to kiss the mouth of the only man he'd ever been with.

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The end had been bloody. With no other alternative, Sam had allowed Lucifer into his body. The Earth was damaged. It would heal itself with a little patience and a lot of luck, but a lot of people had died.

No one knew how, but after Sam had made Lucifer jump into his cage - sacrificing himself - his own body had somehow been pulled back out of Hell. He'd appeared, exhausted and shaken, in front of Dean moments after the world had stopped collapsing on itself. Whether it was how it was supposed to work, or whether some higher force had finally stepped in, none of them knew. They could only guess.

Whatever it was, Dean wasn't looking a gift horse in the mouth. His brother was alive, they'd shoved Lucifer back into his cage, and the balance was restored ...

Castiel had been summoned back to Heaven two days after the apocalypse had ended. He'd looked at Dean with a lost expression on his face, whispered, "they're calling me back", and then he'd disappeared.

Dean had expected it to be weeks before he heard anything from Castiel ... if he ever came back at all. So he was shocked and surprised when his "angel" had appeared before him the next day while he was coming out of the shower.

"You're back!" Dean greeted, barely having time to tie his towel into place before embracing him.

Castiel nodded, returning the hug after a second. "I am."

Dean pulled back, eyeing him with wary eyes. "You're not just here to say goodbye are you? Are you going back to heaven? Did they give you your wings back?"

Castiel looked down. "They offered me everything I had before, including my wings."

Dean sighed, a crestfallen expression taking over his face. "Damn."

Castiel was silent.

"Well ... we had a good run, I guess," Dean said, hating the words as he said them, but not wanting to seem like some clingy, whiny ex. "Short, but sweet. I guess I'll see you if we ever bring on the end of the world again," he joked dryly.

Castiel moved into Dean's personal space. "I think we are having a miscommunication. I am not going back to Heaven."

Dean's eyes shot up, searching Castiel's eyes. "What?"

A smile covered Cas's face. "I was offered my previous position back, but I declined."

Dean couldn't believe it. "What? Why?"

"Do I really need to explain?"

Dean let out a short burst of laughter as he exhaled. "Yeah, that would be nice!"

"I thought that I was incomplete without my wings, without my angelic powers ... but I was wrong. When they said I could get back everything I'd lost, I realized that I would be losing something else, something I was unwilling to part with. Because if I went back to Heaven, I would surely have to give it up," Castiel told him.

Dean's heart started racing, his body flushing with a slightly red hue ... he wanted it to be true so badly, but he had to be sure. "What didn't you want to give up?" he asked in a whispered voice.

Castiel took once more step and released the towel from its knot, pulling it away. "You."

"You gave up your wings for me?" Dean asked breathily.

Castiel nodded. "It should be interesting to grow old with you."

Dean still didn't think he'd live long enough to grow old, but with Cas alongside him, it might just be worth it.

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_The end. _

_A little more sappy than I usually write, but there you have it. _

_What did you guys think? _

_Reviews are appreciated, flame if you must, but constructive criticism is much more useful. _

_Until next time ...! _


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